I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
