This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
