Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
