I just threw up on my dentist
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
