But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
