She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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