Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
