I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
