i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
