u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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