I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
