Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
