I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
