Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
