and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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