Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
