You just made me feel so damn special
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
