I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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