She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
