woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
