We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
