There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
