i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
