Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
