I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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