I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
