I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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