I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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