I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
