you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
