Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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