how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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