if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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