I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
