I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
