as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
