For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
