You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
