if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
