his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
