How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
