i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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