Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
