if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
