Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
