Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
