Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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