promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
