repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
