You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
