i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
