I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
